I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
