The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
