It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
