I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
