And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
