I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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