Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
