Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
