i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
