Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
