the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize