Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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