Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
