i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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