My sheets look like a crime scene.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
