I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
