Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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