OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
