First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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