My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
