is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We got so high we made milksteak
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
