When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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