You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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