I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
there's paper in my vomit.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
