I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
