so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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