I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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