I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I pour the whiskey from now on
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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