Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
