Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
