At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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