how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
