Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
