Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
