duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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