you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
