she was so not down for the gang bang
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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