Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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