He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
