Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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