I accidentally burped into my bong.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
