I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
