dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize