I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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