i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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