both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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