Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
