I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize