Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
