Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize