you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Farmville is her only friend.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i think i just lost a toe
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
