yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
