if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
