i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
