I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
