he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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