Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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