she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
