he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
