There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
