Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
