So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
