hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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