Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
