fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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